Here we go again…

There have been so many false starts in my writing.

Faltering steps.

Stuttered attempts.

Even a couple of seasons in the proverbial sun, i.e. the “growing” blog and the fabled land of “traditional” publication.

( Cue the ooohs and ahhs. Ok. Maybe an eyeroll or two by those who know, like me, it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. ☺)

For, what followed were my own fearful, swiftly fleeing feet back into the land of obscurity.

Not once, but, many, many times.

So many, I have lost count. πŸ™„

A rueful metaphor for my life, in some ways.

And yet, here I am…again…

Why?

Is it the madness of burning genius, the relentless drive to form words into phrases, and phrases into carefully couched pleas to be noticed?

To have the light of day shed on my often pontificating, not-always-quite-exemplary, but ever striving scratches on the sketch pad of living?

Oh, please. 😏

My soulful periods come and go. My beatnik coffeehouse, bongo-thumping poet still finds herself now and again. (usually with her beret a little askew these days. ☺)

I can pose as the oh-so-serious artiste with the best of them.

But, in all that vast earnestness, in the supposed “sacredness” of the craft, I find I forget what, or, rather Who, all this wordplaying is supposed to be about.

Oh, I wrote about Jesus.

A lot about Jesus.

Some of it really touched others. Some of it became what I could never have dreamed of.

But, none of it ever became that big “Wow!” that explodes on the writing scene and brings your name to the lips of the world and money to the starving artists’ coffers.

Such is life.πŸ™„

Now, I was good at being brutally honest in my assessments of all this, of my heart’s longings and my hopes to be content come what may.

Yet, I still would find myself overwhelmingly frustrated sooner or later, disenchanted with the whole scene, running away empty-handed, a burnt-out shell vowing to share no more.

And, yet, here I am. Again.

Why?

Well…best as I can figure, surveying the culture of the day and the desperate need for Jesus that exists, my heart is being undeniably nudged.

Oh, I could and have been actively fighting it…for a while.

Seriously, I have started and stopped a lot of blogging in the last few years. It’s hard to even get back in here and keep trying this. I keep fearing there are those who will recognize my name or, barring that, my style, and shake their heads with thoughts of, “This again? How long before she disappears this time?”πŸ™„

But, that part of me that knows there are things He presses on my heart needing to be said and that this, the written word, is the way He chooses for me, She-Who-Was-Too-Tongue-Tied-To-Do-Book-Signings to communicate. 😏

So, here I am, answering His call.

I have no idea yet where it will go beyond this initial step.

I don’t know yet how or whether many will find me. In my running, I purged social media. I know, I know. What about keeping up with everyone and his brother? What about being a light in a dark place?

To that, I must say, where there is a point, I cannot see myself necessarily feeling called to change presently. The mad, all-too-often shallow scramble of being “plugged in” was simply demoralizing in my case. I don’t see it as a positive asset to my walk right now, to be frank.

So, yeah, there’s that. I am not sure how me writing for Him in an admittedly very quiet chunk of internet real estate will further His kingdom.

But, I’m willing to bet He has it all in His hand.

And, one tiptoe at a time, He will show me what He has for me here.

And if you’ve found me here, feel free to join me…

4 thoughts on “The Undeniable Nudge

  1. God has called you to be yourself, not a bad imitation of someone else, no matter how effective their ministry may be. Your ministry will be as unique as you are, so keep clinging to Jesus, and don’t let the rest of us squeeze you into another mold.

    Like

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