It’s in His hands. So, why can it feel like such a cruel taskmaster?
It moves so swiftly some days, aging us all the more swiftly in the process.
Like my beloved George Bailey, I have always felt, in many respects, I was born older.
Couldn’t bypass a photo of his earnest prayer here. Courtesy of cinemaarchives.com
Not necessarily just due to my attraction to things of a bygone era, though being the only twelve-year-old I knew with an antique display worthy of the PBS roadshow was somewhat a clue. 🙂
Admittedly, that is a piece, but, really, it goes deeper than that.
Even beyond the childhood abuse that can simultaneously stunt growth and drag one to premature adulthood, though I’d be remiss to not acknowledge that role as well.
I can’t say I never had innocence or naivete of any sort, because it was there, in some manners and forms.
My older brother, for example, could persuade me of a lot of things that had not a shred of truth in them. 😉
But, inexplicably, almost paradoxically, the eyes of one who can see through the world to the unseemly underside were also often there.
And, needless to say, looking at the world through such eyes can be a weighty prospect at best, whatever your age.
It’s honestly hard to remember a time I didn’t feel a certain amount of heaviness in my soul.
And, coupled with it the unfortunate tendency to look for some way to safely unburden it, or, as bashfulness rose up more pronounced the more rejected I felt, to at least long to.
I became quite the quiet, grave little soul as a result, only unwinding some of which had me so tightly wound around said brother, who mostly understood the unusually oldish creature in his younger sister, though even he could become baffled and annoyed at times! 🙂
This heaviness stayed with me over the years, by and large, like a shroud, lighter sides of me only breaking through at rare moments or upon being on stage. ( Ah, for I wasn’t me then! )
Such an asset in socal gatherings, let me tell you! 🙄
For a long time, I walked about with this odd duck label.
So serious. 😐
The wallflower. 😔
The overthinker. 🤔
Almost always feeling the need to apologize for it.
For, surely, it must be a shortcoming.
I think of Amy March describing- in hushed tones- her sister, Beth, in “Little Women”:
She has an infirmity. She’s shy.
It was much, much later I pinpointed my autistic tendencies via my children’s diagnoses. This did help shed quite a new light on what I had coped with all those years.
But, whereas it is in fact integral to the human makeup He created me with, it’s not the be-all end-all of me, either.
It’s why, where I appreciate deeply recognition of special needs, I no longer feel it need always be what I personally talk about. But, I have tread this road before, so, let me stop circuiting…😏
All this to say, all those pieces, all that weight on my shoulders, the harshness of life and the rapid beating of time…all so acutely evident in my sight, needn’t become an unhappy, isolating thing.
I don’t have to apologetically stammer how I’m older than my years, subject myself to a burning silence, or consider myself a lonely curmudgeon, an embarrassing oddity of nature for all time.
For, what the world calls odd, He often calls seasoned.
Matt. 5:13 says:
You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.
Seasoning is a necessary part of the Christian life. Without the salt to preserve our faith, this world can quickly contaminate it.
To be seasoned, to me, means being able to recognize the true from the false.
Even when it’s uncomfortable or unpopular.
For, when we can taste and see that the Lord is good, it ruins us for all other flavors.
And that’s a good thing! ☺
As is the burden, if you will, of helping others recognize this fact.
It has been such an irony to me, honestly, that God directed me to places seemingly contrary to my rather old-fashioned ways, both in previous years and now.
Teaching toddlers and ministering to youth would seem to call for a child-like energy and some level of, shall we say, “coolness”?
Where I did and do allow myself some youthful zest where able, no one could ever accuse me of “coolness”. 😏
Yet, I feel God tell me not to assume what they have need of.
For, who am I to say they don’t need the sort of seasoning He has uniquely called me to help provide?
In seasoning should also come a growing confidence in His goodness and wisdom, after all.
And, as I referred to last time we spoke here, beautiful bridges can be built between generations.
So…if you feel older than your years…
Feel good about it. To be seasoned is not a bad thing.
And if you feel younger, or, maybe even just your age, that’s okay, too.
Your seasoning can still be there.
And when we surrender to its aging us, we can see its not actually done cruelly, though it might seem to be, but, rather, beautifully in its time.
And guess Who has it all in hand?😉
Blessings and prayers, friends. May we each embrace who we are in Him and season the earth with His truth.