Ok. So I didn’t plan to post again this soon. But, this popped into my brain and God won’t let me let it go. I don’t know who this is for, but I do know my friends with chronic illness will potentially relate.
I don’t want to talk about my pain, God.
I will sound like a whiny mess.
I don’t want to sound like that, God.
Ok. That is partially my charismatic upbringing talking.
The whole “don’t speak that pain over yourself”. Don’t admit struggle.
“Name and claim” your healing. Demonstrate enough faith and it will be! 🙄
Sigh. I still have that residue in me when it comes to sharing how I am really feeling…
But, still my mind goes on-
Others have it worse, anyway.
I’m not in a wheelchair yet.
I can feed myself.
Take a bath.
Walk for some distance.
Sing and dance for You, albeit awkwardly.
So what if I have to sit down a lot.
And so soon after I got up to do something! 🙄
So I have to be mindful of not looking too high up, position my head on a pillow just so that, when I go to bed, I avoid vertigo.
No spontaneous naps on the couch for me, though my body does try it when I am exhausted, anyway! 🙄
So I wake up expecting achy joints of varying degrees, allergies year-round, and depleted energy before I even roll out of bed.
So I don’t get to teach anymore and have had to turn down job offers for fear I can’t guarantee I can fulfill them on any given day.
So I can’t really be a help to my husband’s handyman work or be a D.I.Y. on my own house like all those cute couples on HGTV.
So my hands and shoulders are to the point I cannot safely support a baby in the church nursery.
So I have to be more and more cautious what I feed these delicate innards. No….today is not a cheese day. Cheese is dairy. And dairy doesn’t like me right now.
Just scrape that off my pizza, please. 🙄
So the highest I can climb is my tiny step stool and, even then, I must carefully position these long, skinny, teetery feet.
So I even fall down occasionally from this wacky lack of balance I have.
So those achy joints I spoke of might even sometimes slip out of sockets and have to be cautiously put back in.
Yep. Really. So what?
So I have EDS. That’s Ehlers-Danlos to the uninformed.
I could expound but, the effects are so wide-spread and so varied, you’d do better to just look it up (Note-I am just in the annoying, somewhat life-altering but not-quite-so-bad category comparitively speaking.).
Essentially, though, those are not things I want to talk about, God! Please don’t make me!
Oh, I know I just did spend a whole post on it…😏
But, what I mean is, where this can lead to major depression at times, I must refuse to dwell.
I cannot dwell-
Not when I have You, my strength, my rock.
You who leads me to rocks that are higher than I….and makes sure I don’t fall off them! 😉
You who brings me joy and love and peace every day. Even incredibly achy joint days.
Not to mention the worthy promise this body, this thing which houses me and rebels against my desires all at once, is not for always.
I sometimes feel rather trapped now, but there will come that day of the new.
This earth will indeed be set right.
And this dilapidated house for my soul will, too.
One day, I will hurt no more.
Nor will any of you, my friends…that is, if you trust Jesus.
Blessings and prayers to you. Thanks for reading my “whiny mess.” I hope you got something out of it. 🙂