Still abiding in His wings, though I do rather chafe as this current circumstance in my writing goes on. I find myself wrestling for every word and fighting the shadow that saves me. Not to mention weary of posting here on depression. 😏 Some for myself, but also, yes, because the old fear of wearying someone else too much for them to stick around lurks within me yet. But, then, there are the other depressed souls that might just need to recognize themselves here. At any rate, He called me to honesty, so better that I remain in it…

Here I run to His river again,

In my hand my trusty pen.

And I turn my gaze to watery

Inspiration,

Seeking in my reflection therein

Some sort of summation,

Something that feels of worth,

Stirs of my spiritual rebirth.

Yet…full expression remains a

Struggle, my friends.

I keep scribbling thoughts and

Striving as I know I ought

Only to sweep them to the trash bin.

For I don’t want to just make this

Venture all

A mere means to a hollow end…

So…I keep trying to stretch these

Kinked muscles

Of my literary prowess

But in the midst of the world’s mad

Hustle,

I find thoughts dissipate and myself

Bowing to the infinite less.

I know that I know that I know

God is yet on His throne.

And I come there and cry out for Him

To show

What He has for me alone…

“God,” I whine, “I thought I was

Inching back.

I thought ‘on we go’,

And the words would flow

And I would be done with

This present lack!”

Yet…truth, friends?

These rubbery limbs of mine

Are only fumbling to now and again

Have the former knack.

So…do I just fling the pen aside?

I have thought of it, I confide.

For the last thing I want to become

Is just a sorry case of a writer’s sore

Pride.

Yet…I know the Lord’s tender,

Whispered voice

Cautions me to

Just. Lie. Still.

And further reminds me there is yet

Another, better choice,

A more lasting way to fulfill….

To let go and let Him take the words’

Often unwieldy reins.

For, honestly, it is nothing less than

Absurd

To wrestle the heavenly shadow

Meant only to heal and to sustain…

Blessings and prayers, dear friends! Struggling or not so much, may you find comfort in His shadow. ❤

26 thoughts on “Wrestling

  1. Praise God like the Psalmist in Psalm 91 we can find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Praise God for His omniscience and omnipresence that although it seems like no one knows or that no one’s around, Jesus knows, He present and He deeply cares. Keep wrestling. Keep holding on. God’s mercies are new each morning and He will help your weary soul. Love you and your honesty!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. 🤗💙 may we rest under the shadow of His wings and know that His protection, comfort, strength and peace are for us to share in, if we only would surrender and let Him.
    Blessings dear Marisa 💙

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I feel what you say like I can feel the fibres of a cloth and you are not alone. Each day in this madness around us, one has to dig a little deeper to be absorbed by His presence, to maintain that fleeting consistency. Yet His presence is there. The little decisions we make to stay the course keep us there, because of our need for Jesus. S t r e t c h i n g our faith, drinking deeper of the well of water that flows from within. Your words speak of that thirst and they are good. God’s grace, peace and blessings to you and yours. Love in Christ – Bruce

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Despite how you feel, it’s good to write about it. Some day in the future you can read this and see where you’ve been. And, so can your readers! 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  5. As I read this again a month later, I find myself in your poem, and in a quandary. I am new at this and still at the inadequate stage of being in a social network; then I read other blogs and poetry that are so much more meaningful and eloquent than anything I could express. I know it’s not about me, it’s whether I’m pleasing the Lord and encouraging others as well with what I write. I like the part when you wrote “I know that I know that I know God is yet on His throne.”, but these feelings or thoughts keep rushing in. I could go on, but maybe an email would be more appropriate. Thanks for listening. Jesus will see me through. Much love to you in the Lord Marisa
    Susan,

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Susan, my story is waaay long and my blogging attempts have been many. I have been writing, comparing, deleting, and beginning again for a LOT of years. I went from no social networking to way too much social networking, back to none except here. I have gone from submitting to publications, being rejected over and over, shutting down shop in frustration, only to come back again, be published, see that royally tank in the world’s terms (Love, love writing. DESPISE selling.), shutting down shop AGAIN, to a years long retreat back to sharing here, but, this time, with no ambition in mind but to share the name of Jesus, through good days and bad. And He is drawing in such wonderful friends through it all. All that to say you have no idea how much I understand everything you’ve said. Every bit. All I can say is share whatever God gives you and let Him do the rest. And He will. But, yes, please do email if you’d like to! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Appreciate the encouragement. I don’t think I can ever fully quit writing. I have had my seasons of putting it aside only to pick it up again in one way or another. Right now, my brain is resting but I know I will be back when God so inspires. 🙂

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  7. Thank you! That means a lot! Thinking and praying about it. Time and inspiration are frankly not always on my side these days, but waiting and hoping in the Lord for the door to reopen. 🙂

    Like

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