Hey there, dear friends. I have had a lot going lately from VBS skits to welcoming a new pastor, facing renewed and new frustrations…

And I find myself…weary. Whereas there should be joy in some of those things, I find it there, but only for the moment it takes for raindrops to fleck and fade on glass.

And the frustrations are just…a lot of unwanted visitors who return again and again. I could voice my thoughts on such, and yet…

It begins to feel without any real use. I hate to term it “jaded”, but, it’s certainly edging into that territory.

And so…I go quiet.

Tight-lipped over how I really feel.

Stop all the confiding, any attempts at exhorting others, since it feels disingenuous, or seeking encouragement, since I can’t seem to allow it in the way I should.

Until…

It all bursts forth in poem eventually.😏

Now, I don’t think of this as my best attempt, and, please don’t take offense, but I am beginning to feel even this place, my beloved WordPress, is not necessarily the help it once was.

Not due to any of you, of course. This is all me.

My quiet spells and lack of concentration to keep up with everyone here are increasing, which does give me a pang of regret, as I care sincerely for each of you.

Not to mention fatigue. Realllly tired of arriving at this mindset again and again.πŸ™„

The determination not to wipe out my work here remains strong.

But the desire to write and participate is…waning.

And I don’t really want it to.

Yet…I feel it slipping out of my hands this time.

Anyway…enough spiel. Here is my latest thoughts in poem. Thanks for reading. Blessings and prayers as ever.❀

So many things to write in my brain…

Big beginnings without an end….

They rise up only to be sent

Down the proverbial drain…

Had some triumphs in these weeks,

Some lovely things of which I feel I ought rightly to speak.

Had a few mighty blows, too,

Disappointment and unsettling discoveries anew,

But sadness from such has only burrowed on through,

Tunneling in deep.

Smiles I cannot seem to keep,

But nor can I summon up theΒ  strength to weep…

No…instead, my eyes only dim with need of sleep.

I guess you could safely say

That I am trapped in once again by

This indescribable malaise,

This tiring, bogged-in-the-reeds sensation,

Like the African Queen, only without yet a summation.

It isn’t as if love is not there,

Nor joy-

In fact, I have lately had a good share.

And, of course, I know that God is always, always there.

Yet, I face some unhappy truths

Of pain, loss of energy, loss of youth.

I find despite all efforts to push on

I just don’t feel like much from dawn to dawn.

I still pick up my Bible and read with a prayerful heart,

Of more things I have pressed myself to take part,

Yet all I gain seems to fade before I can even start.

Hurt aplenty piles in,

Poor feelings I fear I nurse.

I have to ask-is this mire just my own sin,

And lack of ability to bravely take on the worse?

I don’t know.

I don’t know, and I tire of asking myself…

Perhaps it’s time all these ponderings

Be laid upon the shelf…

Please take them, Lord

And draw us into better accord…

27 thoughts on “Bogged

  1. May the Lord hold you tight in the palm of His hand making you feel secure, close to Him and so much more. May He shift the grey and brighten it all, lifting you up as only He can. Sending you some prayer and hugs πŸ€— πŸ’™πŸŒΊ

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Confession is good for the soul. Praying that God will make Himself known in your current situation, to help you manage expectations, longings and reality. Being bogged down is never enjoyable. Praying God will give you rest and renewal.
    Love, hugs and blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My dear friend, I have gone through a very similar period over the last few months. I had sooooooo much on my plate that I was exhausted before I even took my first sip of coffee β˜•.
    I admit that sometimes I delete/ignore all notifications for new blogger content.

    I urge you not to delete your blog. You can step by from writing & reading for a while to give yourself room to breathe. But if you delete it…it’s gone & you never know when someone may stumble across an old piece that is the precise thing they needed to hear in that moment!

    Hugs…I would miss you!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much, Barb! I appreciate that someone can relate! No worries. I made myself a promise not to delete this blog. I just don’t know when or if the writing is going to bounce back. Waiting on God for that. Again, I thank you, friend! ❀

      Like

  4. I relate to this as well. I don’t delete my blog I just put it private and then make a new blog. (The one I have right now is private because I don’t want the faceless World Wide Web to be able to access it but I don’t mind WordPress people who have names and faces accessing it.) But I feel like our needs, including our writing, kind of changes as we change. Our writing is a part of who we are, and at some point, we start to outgrow parts of ourselves and need to shed them in order to move in. I also get the jadedness, almost like a world-weariness? And I can cycle in and out if that as well, feeling like β€œWhat is truly the point of writing about this again? Is this really helping or is this part of what is keeping me stuck here?” I’m starting to think that even though parts of us do change, some parts of us don’t. Some parts of us just aren’t going to be β€œfixed” this side of heaven. That disappointing fact probably takes some grieving and working through for us to accept. Not trying to be a Debbie downer, just kind of processing on my own as I write this.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Bogged, but even in a fog; my heart finds clarity. So I write, I share my heart. In a verse, in a captured muse, a poem is found. In the cog, a Jesus girl. Will find a heartfelt moment, resonating within her soul. You inspire, may every tomorrow, be enlightened! God’s blessings! πŸ™πŸ½

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I so love your Poetry Marisa. It sounds so old fashioned. Even reminds me of my grandpas poetry. This is a good thing. I love that you express your honest feelings, not hiding the struggle. That’s so healthy and it’s good for others to hear. When we do we can say we’re not the only one who feels this way.

    I can so relate to “Smiles I cannot seem to keep,” God is faithful. He will see us through. We have seasons that are so difficult, but he also gives times of refreshing. In due time.

    Prayers for you dear Marisa. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, dear Tina! That means so much to me! I know you get it and what a comfort it is to know others understand! And what a lovely compliment! I like knowing my poetry has a touch of the past in it. Blessings. ❀ πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I know she wouldn’t mind me telling you. Rebecca St. James is an old friend. There were a couple of times she openly confessed to feeling the bogging, and most of all, burnout. She literally had to go into counseling in the middle of yours & recording projects. In the end, after much prayer, and solid advice, she took lengthy breaks from ministry. In retrospect, she made the right choice. She learned much from the gauntlet. Most of all, God’s grip is the safety net. – Blessings, Alan

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing, Alan! I can’t tell you how much it means to read that. Rebecca is definitely another on my list of artists I have long loved and listened to. Her CDs survived many a shift in my life and sit safely in one of my big fat cases. I never got the chance to speak to her, but I did have the pleasure of attending one of her concerts in my 20s- in fact, we call it my oldest boy, Elijah’s, first concert, since he attended as well in the womb. πŸ™‚ I am not surprised to read this of her, really. I have long been struck by her honesty and the heart she has shown to have for seeking God. I am glad to know she made such a choice. Good counsel and replenishing in the Lord are indeed such important components to our walk with Him. Ministry is important, too, but it certainly is mentally and physically exhausting at times. And, I am finding this past year just how much. There has been a rock on my chest that I keep stubbornly trying to push off for myself. There is freedom in recognizing I just can’t on my own. Thank you again, my friend. I really treasure your wisdom. Blessings to you. Now…I think it’s been quite a while since I pulled out Rebecca’s CDs. I think I’ll give them a listen. πŸ™‚

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