Spending

Hello, friends. This is not quite the first poem I’d pictured sharing in coming back, but it comes of one of those little grains of a thought that grew into a full-grown ponder before I knew it. So…as ever, I must surrender any personal agendas and give in to His…

Spending, spending…

Everybody seems always busy spending

Something.

Granted, sometimes necessary in the state of living,

Or, one hopes, in the fond act of giving.

But, other times?

Ah, naught but a careless fling!

Cold hard cash water-spouting out

First comes to mind,

But not this alone, oh no…

So many other gleeful sprees

Consumers cavort in so free…

So many mindless fritterings we can find!

Some of us stupidly spend away our given talent;

Some pitch on the wind their precious time.

For others, principles are too easily sent

Only to come back oily and bent,

And perhaps, most tragic of all

Are those whose bodies, whose very hearts are cast

Aside to be nickled and dimed…

And what by these misguided attempts

Do any of us stand to gain?

For, in the end, none are exempt

From answering to how we spent our days.

That is why it is imperative

All He allows us to possess

From our moments to our gifts

We must rightly lift

Up to the cross and nothing less.

For all other seed-scattered pursuits

Produce none but rotten fruits.

Such poison it is to the foolish soul!

Ah, Lord, over all that is spent we need You in control!

Yes, indeed, here are the purse-strings of my very being,

Every second of my time,

Take and assist,

Teach me to wisely budget, cautiously resist

Spending wily-nily this God-given life of mine…

May we be ever prayerful in how we spend our lives! Thanks for reading! Blessings and prayers!

The Better Ground

Hey, dear friends! Last night was another Wednesday, another gathering with our youth.

We managed a little pizza making, a bit of fun, a precious piece of worship, and a life-giving morsel of challenge to persevere in walking upright and in gratitude with the Lord.

And, for myself, I even experienced a slight expansion of tolerance for some of the situations weighing so heavily on me.

It’s not major shifts in my world or circumstances, but, rather, a step by step sort of journey, as I highly suspected it would be. In other words, God is beginning to move as I begin to allow His hand on me in this season of rebirth. A few words of pondering on the process…

The Better Ground

It’s a tough and a tender surrender,

A slow ache in the soul

Of the careful pretender.

Yet, there is a deeper goodness to be

Found

As I learn my Keeper always guides to

The better ground.

Not to say there is a sudden absence

Of pain in the climb

Nor that I don’t weary of

Drumming rain and the dull drag of

Time.

But, as He ministers lifebread along

The way,

Calling out both rest’s sweet

Deliverance

And the urge to seek the crest

With feet of forebearance,

I am gratefully discovering

I am sustained yet another day….

May we each allow the Lord to keep us and guide us in the climb. And may we seek both the perseverance and the gratitude needed. Blessings and prayers, dear friends! Thanks for reading! ❤

The Chase

Hey, there, friends! I thought it was time I chimed in for a moment to reassure you I am in the land of the living.

Doing the wife and mom thing 24/7, doing the cooking for an amazing passel of youth on Wednesdays, and doing an awful lot of introspection in- between.

On things like purpose, God’s plans, and the circuitous way life can often go when desperately chasing those things.

Or, when you just think you are. 😏

It gives me a laugh, albeit a slightly rueful one, to realize how often He has to show me He is not done with breathing the breathe of life on me, nor equipping and encouraging me.

And, yet, I often seem to take a little breath of my own, ruminate on the vision He is placing in front of me, and shake my foolish head. And then, I dare to petulantly remind Him of my tattered rags, my awkward ways, and do what I do best….

Run! (Figuratively speaking, of course😉)

How easily I forget what He has done before and what He can do again!

The lists of “look what He’s done for me’s” stretch behind me like parchments curling for miles!

Redemption of family.

Healing of hearts.

Breakthroughs and bounties beyond imagination.

Sure, there were looming anxieties pursuing me then and new ones cropping up now…

BUT-there is STILL Jesus.

He never abdicates the throne nor neglects His precious own!

He is the joy-giver whatever the world comes at you with!

And I know this. As in, have ample experience with this!

Yet, how quickly do I dismiss leaning on this joy that abides despite circumstance!

How often do I find myself bogged in a fretful state instead of seeking solace in His arms!

Far too often, friends!

That said, I do find myself in recent days swapping thoughts with the Lord.

Feeling His delight and finding dappled moments of my own.

And, perhaps, finally beginning to reawaken to my sense of purpose in Him.

Now, I’d still characterize myself a “functioning” depressive. It’s hard to face many days, yet facing them I am.

But not alone, mind you! The sweet Lord is there, handing me the key.

For, in Him, I am realizing that, yes, there is a somber shadow cast on my soul that is just there. And just going to be.

But, that is not necessarily bad.

For, strangely, it is one that is not without a purpose of its own.

For, in many ways, the shadow is really just a piece of how it feels to rest in His wings.

In them, He reminds me we need the deep thinkers in this world, the grievers of our times, the ones that recognize where we’re at and why.

And He counts me among them.

Not to be superior nor to scold without tempering in love.

Rather, to alert us these are grave days we are in. We are nearer and nearer to His return by the day.

Salvation is at hand. And it is imperative we both take it to heart and share the truth with others while we yet may.

Now, risk of walking in this shadow comes in allowing satan to twist the reasons for the weeping, to become distracted from the cause God has in mind, and to be lured away from the protective cover of His wings to the true darkness beyond.

For, then, we are prone to surrender to the assaults the world flings at our souls.

Not to mention there is the temptation to chase our own tail in the process!

But-the rewards in the shadow? Ah, the rewards!

Life and life eternal in the presence of our most Holy Lord!

For He alone is infinitely worth every moment of the chase; all the rest the heart clamors for is merely temporal!

And…

Speaking of chasing…

The following song has been known to me a long while, but only recently popped back on my radar.

I first heard it at a concert Andrew Peterson was opening for. The simple honesty of it resonated in my aching heart then and it still does now. Perhaps, even more so.

Have a listen and be blessed, dear friends! Thank you for the prayers! I can definitely feel them! Know that you always have mine, too. ❤

A Better Gratitude

Hey, there, friends! Gratitude on the brain for obvious reasons, but also in how it relates to how we spend our precious time-on what and, especially, on Who. Too much is wasted on futile pursuits and disputes, not near enough on sharing the good news of His love. Or, on the sometimes very necessary silence we ought to have before Him.

Time.

It ticks on, draws taut,

Gratitude all but forgot

As we all scramble to do what we think we ought.

Yet, minutes, precious and few,

Are too often frittered away

As comes forth from us the

Sad and endless spew.

Maybe if we all just for a while STOP THE TALKING,

The incessant talking,

The insistent, the maddening, elbow-jabbing bicker

And show even just the tiniest flicker

Of a Christ-like recognition for others,

Let His love truly be our ignition in

How we relate to one another,

Perhaps there could be less seconds

Shed like water down the proverbial drain

And instead the mindless jabber could

Bend

To become a much sweeter, more

Purposeful refrain…

Or maybe even, dare I say a blessed

Silence

When with Him we are at last in twain?😏

Ah, but is this hope of mine

None but a wistful dream?

Looking around at ever errant

Humanity’s darkening signs,

So it would seem…

Yet, I know a God who is greater than

We deserve

Who amazingly is yet extending to us

A grace we could never earn!

And patiently He seeks to guide us in

A better gratitude,

To infuse our attitude with the

Promise of life eternal,

To grow in us a beautiful garden from

A single willing kernel.

Would that we would pay heed to His

Instruction

Before we reach that final junction!

For time spins ever forward,

Well-spent or no.

May we still our wandering

Voices,

To Him look toward…

Tune our thoughts to become

Mindful of our forevers

And our choices,

And let the cross alone point which way to go…

Blessings and prayers on your Thanksgiving, friends! This year proves to be different but all the more reason to be mindful! ❤

Good Grief, Charlie Brown or The Red Baron Strikes Again

Fair warning: I feel a bit like a cranky old lady tonight. It isn’t that this is not true to form, but it may sound a tad more sarcastic than my more poetical side. But, when He lays it on my heart, what can I do but speak it? Besides, I always remember Apostle Paul had a fair amount of sarcastic wit when he had a piece to speak. So, if the author of a good portion of our New Testament could do it, I figure God can utilize it in me, too. 🙂

So…that title might stir some supposing on subject matter….

But, no...this isn’t truly about Apple’s decision to snatch away childhood memories, though the greed that appears to be behind the decision to hold the Peanuts specials more or less captive and the price-gouging of DVDs by some that has followed does play into the broader picture I wish to speak of:

Rampant self-centeredness.

In a world consumed by pandemic, it is the real plague, or to pull out the Charlie Brown analogy a bit, the Red Baron of our existence.

Always has been, honestly, though this easy access age seems to put it endlessly in our faces.

It’s what causes the all-too-abundant parade of posturing that comes out of so many walks of life:

Be it Hollywood, Washington, or-dare I say- our own neighborhood.

Far too often, in countless ways, everything boils down to “looking out for number one”.

If I get my piece of the pie or heck, the whole pie, I’m good. 🙄

Forget the other guy because the other guy ought to be looking out for himself.

Because, really, isn’t life about saving our own hides?

Covering our own respective hind ends?

Getting our faces in whatever limelight is afforded us?

Staking our claims.

Pressing for what we want and when we want it.

Stacking our wallets!

Getting the job, the car, the suit, the house.

The Life!

Oh, and the rep. Mustn’t ever forget the proper, politically astute, carefully couched, self-righteous posing that allows for your rep.

Most important accessory of all!

So, when you have all that together, who gives a flying fig for the other guy?

Unless, of course, the other guy can provide a photo op for your “charitable cause” or especially, as more often the case in our virtue signaling culture, if he dares to cramp your style.

Then, you care about him.

Or at least, in case of the latter, about what he’s doing wrong.

Then, he must hear about it and hear about it from you. For only you can say it right.

Not to mention all the likes you’ll accumulate from your followers or how much more you can amass for your brand when you verbally or textually take him down.

That much more power to wield from atop the tower you rest yourself upon!

Hurrah!

After all, it’s your life, right?

It’s all about yourself, is it not? 🙄

Ummm….no.

Ok. Not loud enough.

Ahem. Again:

Noooooo!

None of this life-I repeat-none of it is meant to be about ourselves.

No…despite so much pumped into us from birth on to the contrary, it’s really about one thing and one thing only:

Christ and Him crucified.

Rejoicing in the amazing fact He did it for us self-serving folks and seeking to instead serve Him.

And what does that often look like here on this earth?

Well… looking out for the other guy.

After all, there’s this from the Savior himself:

Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Matt. 25:40.

Now, this is emphatically NOT so you can look good on social media.

Nor so you can put the other guy “in his place”.

*Cough.* Plank in the eye. 😉 *Cough*.

Rather, it is so you can have the joy of sharing the love of Jesus with another human life without regard to what you can get out of it and, prayerfully, point the way to salvation through Him.

That’s it. Really.

God’s generosity to us lending itself to what should be ours to others.

Funny how that nasty Red Baron of self-centeredness has a way of complicating a truly simple matter, isn’t it?😏

Oh, may we defeat this tendency for self-centeredness! May the Lord press on our hearts love and concern for the other guy!

Thanks for reading, dear friends! Much love, many blessings and prayers to you! ❤

Watch “Calling Out Your Name – Rich Mullins” on YouTube

Ok. I decided. These are fun. I love music. Can’t play a lick and only sing a little, but, oh, I know what I like. 🙂

And, in addition, I discover that I really like to share.

So…I will try to do these maybe weekly…ish. I have no schedule on here and do better without one, frankly, despite my need for an ordered world elsewhere, but we shall see. 😁

I have a lot of songs I am eager to share!

And this particular one begs a few paragraphs to introduce…

I first discovered Rich Mullins in high school.

Immediately, I was captivated. His honest, heartfelt voice, combined with his incredible gift for painting word imagery and ability to play a variety of instruments as effortlessly as many of us breathe had me in awe.

And oh, the songs! Each one cutting me to the quick, challenging my faith, causing me to pause in my day to soak in the truth of God.

Then, of course, as I always do with those I am drawn to, I had to know more of the man.

In reading his philosophy for life, how I longed to be able to similarly shed the trappings and give my all to others as he did throughout his career.

His mission through The Kids of St. Frank, his willingness to kick off his shoes and humble himself, his determination to live the antithesis of a successful musician…just…wow.

My grief in his passing from this earth was profound, needless to say.

Yet, his demeanor showed readiness at any time. He knew where he was going. He wasn’t worried. So, I owed it to him to rejoice in my sorrow.

For what a legacy!

I wanted that. Want it still.

Life may’ve given me a different mission and different things to care for, but I pray the essence of selflessness and assurance in my Savior can be the same.

In sitting down to determine which of his plethora of amazing works to share, I was honestly very, very torn.

I love them all. How do I ever choose?

Ah, me!

But, I knew it should be one to feature his beautiful hammer dulcimer that so captured my attention early on and one whose poetry was most inspiring.

So, I came to this one, Calling Out Your Name, which may be a bit prejudiced by the fact he mentions my home state of Kansas, where I am proud to say he spent some time studying and I once helped babysit his dog a little while through quite a chain of events. 🙂

Not to mention it just seems to suit the current weather patterns around here. 😏

At any rate, may it encourage you that God is still God. The creator of all the universe and everything in it is yet on His throne, yet speaking, yet reaching out to us in everything around us. Give it a listen and be blessed, friends. Much love and many prayers. ❤

So What? Or, Yes, I’m in Pain

Ok. So I didn’t plan to post again this soon. But, this popped into my brain and God won’t let me let it go. I don’t know who this is for, but I do know my friends with chronic illness will potentially relate.

I don’t want to talk about my pain, God.

It’s weak.

I will sound like a whiny mess.

I don’t want to sound like that, God.

Ok. That is partially my charismatic upbringing talking.

The whole “don’t speak that pain over yourself”. Don’t admit struggle.

“Name and claim” your healing. Demonstrate enough faith and it will be! 🙄

Sigh. I still have that residue in me when it comes to sharing how I am really feeling…

But, still my mind goes on-

Others have it worse, anyway.

I’m not in a wheelchair yet.

I can feed myself.

Take a bath.

Walk for some distance.

Make cookies.

Draw.

Write.

Pray.

Sing and dance for You, albeit awkwardly.

So what if I have to sit down a lot.

And so soon after I got up to do something! 🙄

So I have to be mindful of not looking too high up, position my head on a pillow just so that, when I go to bed, I avoid vertigo.

No spontaneous naps on the couch for me, though my body does try it when I am exhausted, anyway! 🙄

So I wake up expecting achy joints of varying degrees, allergies year-round, and depleted energy before I even roll out of bed.

So I don’t get to teach anymore and have had to turn down job offers for fear I can’t guarantee I can fulfill them on any given day.

So I can’t really be a help to my husband’s handyman work or be a D.I.Y. on my own house like all those cute couples on HGTV.

So my hands and shoulders are to the point I cannot safely support a baby in the church nursery.

So I have to be more and more cautious what I feed these delicate innards. No….today is not a cheese day. Cheese is dairy. And dairy doesn’t like me right now.

Just scrape that off my pizza, please. 🙄

So the highest I can climb is my tiny step stool and, even then, I must carefully position these long, skinny, teetery feet.

So I even fall down occasionally from this wacky lack of balance I have.

So those achy joints I spoke of might even sometimes slip out of sockets and have to be cautiously put back in.

Yep. Really. So what?

So I have EDS. That’s Ehlers-Danlos to the uninformed.

I could expound but, the effects are so wide-spread and so varied, you’d do better to just look it up (Note-I am just in the annoying, somewhat life-altering but not-quite-so-bad category comparitively speaking.).

Essentially, though, those are not things I want to talk about, God! Please don’t make me!

Oh, I know I just did spend a whole post on it…😏

But, what I mean is, where this can lead to major depression at times, I must refuse to dwell.

I cannot dwell-

Not when I have You, my strength, my rock.

You who leads me to rocks that are higher than I….and makes sure I don’t fall off them! 😉

You who brings me joy and love and peace every day. Even incredibly achy joint days.

Not to mention the worthy promise this body, this thing which houses me and rebels against my desires all at once, is not for always.

I sometimes feel rather trapped now, but there will come that day of the new.

This earth will indeed be set right.

And this dilapidated house for my soul will, too.

One day, I will hurt no more.

Nor will any of you, my friends…that is, if you trust Jesus.

Blessings and prayers to you. Thanks for reading my “whiny mess.” I hope you got something out of it. 🙂

Crafting Changes


Hello, my friends! It feels like another longish stretch since I have been here! I hope no one feels too neglected. Though my days have taken a different shape in some ways, my heart and my prayers are ever with you. ☺ Hoping this finds you well and seeking the Lord.

I am striving ever for that myself in the midst of crafting a new way to do school, but, I think I am due for some stark honesty here.

It’s funny, really…

Despite my longing to craft other things-to write, to inspire and to be inspired, I am finding it much more taxing to gather my words when I finally do find a moment.

Perhaps it’s just circumstantial.

Circumstances are admittedly…unorthodox, shall we say?- at this stage of our lives.

For all, of course, but, I think especially of us impromptu home schooling parents right now. 😉

Now, I am in the somewhat unique position of being accustomed to the life of a relative recluse for a variety of reasons ranging from my physical struggles to my carefully guarded, incredibly introverted nature. 😒

Not to mention, frankly, long years of the instinctual limitations that often come of parenting special needs.

I do miss church in-person-even if I was frequently the quietest one in the place- as well as cooking for and listening to the banter of our youth group.

Not to mention the simplicity of just strolling into a store on one of my good days with a modicum of abandon.

I am also finding it a bit deflating currently that our technology is too old and creaky to participate in many of the neat things others are doing virtually, as well as the fact my pocketbook isn’t too giving for the updates (Yet, for our actual needs, what we possess suffices, so, I feel gratitude should have its way over such complaints, really. ).

And, much as I am adoring this gift of extended hours with my dear children, I do find moments of longing for the few quiet chunks of the day I had formerly possessed, naturally.

But, all that aside, I can really chuckle to myself that I was born to “stay at home” and scarcely needed an order to do so. 😉

So…it isn’t truly these aspects draining me of creative juices. Not really.

Maybe…maybe it’s just time in of itself that has me thrown- paradoxical thing that it is.

Such a precious commodity.

So daunting yet interesting to be presented a drastic reordering of it.

I am cheering on those who are and praying others will be able to capture the silver lining gleaming in the clouds here.

Yet, it’s also consternating how oddly the hands of the clock move these days.

Meandering down unfamiliar paths yet still remaining swift as ever.

Routines upended and rearranged. Things to be let go of, new things to be embraced.

I have to say management in our family of all such has been remarkably blessed by God’s ever-guiding hand.

In any household, that’s something to rejoice in.

In an autism household? Truly miraculous.☺

We are poised for our last three weeks of school already and in pretty good stead with all that it entails.

Yet, all that it entails adds up to… well, an awful lot of this baffling time thing we speak of, leaving little room for expanding thoughts to the avenues once enjoyed.

Words have been fading away from something to skip in a field of flowers with.

Words, rather, have morphed into something to teach how to sound out and how to spell.

To write neatly on the line and to properly define.

Perhaps inserted into a bit of essay coaching for flavor.

Which can have its own brand of satisfaction-don’t get me wrong.

It’s a rare joy to shape my kids in this way.

But, delight in shaping words unto the Lord?

The thirst remains, but time seems to be sapping the wherewithal lately.

Even writing all this, my mind is so…back and forth. It’s not coming in the flurry of phrases that I typically enjoy.

This is certainly not the big revelation I hoped for in time away, nor the encouragement I wanted to be able to give.

But, then, the time away is not really the time away in the sense of sabbatical.

At least, not in traditional sense.

Ah, but He reminds-when was anything ever traditional with me? 😊

So…I am left with this, as I have ever been left with this in my very interior yet very demanding world…

Shaking off the whiny, first-world-woes and grabbing hold of God, where I can, as I can, surrendering to the fact He is resident Keeper of the times, even these seemingly crazy ones.

And I rest in knowing He is ever there, smiling down on me in His infinite love, whether I am crafting an intricate poem to Him or just a shiny aluminium foil robot costume with my youngest for art time. ☺

When our hearts are right, they each honor Him, after all.

I am so selective on sharing pictures of my kiddos. But this one begged to be shared. Literally. 😀

Blessings and prayers, dear friends!Appreciate the read! Keep resting in Him!

Serving Up His Love

Last weekend, we had a soup kitchen Saturday with our youth group-as in an opportunity to volunteer at one. 🙂

We had hoped to have all our students for this new venture, but with our constantly shifting Kansas weather, important basketball games had had to be rescheduled for…you guessed it, Saturday. 😏

There went several of our regulars…

In addition to that was state Scholar’s Bowl and, wouldn’t you know it? Our middle son/awesome drummer is also rather an old soul, knowledgeable on a variety of subjects most his age are not, and, therefore, much needed for such tournaments. ( No, not a proud mama at all.

😉)

So, suffice to say, we wound up a rather tiny troop of workers.

A Gideon sort of reduction, perhaps? 🤔🙂

Well, the thought is kind of just for humorous irony since we spent the better part of the fall studying the Old Testament warrior, but, maybe…

For, it could’ve been deflating in a sense, or more stressful with fewer hands, but, you know, as much as I really missed seeing certain faces in the mix, it was a most beautiful and triumphant day regardless!

Perhaps, even better than we could’ve thought for the quiet simplicity of it.

For I got to watch my shyer, more reserved ones, including my oldest, newly-minted adult son, find ways to step up, pitch in, and feel helpful.

I got to listen to my sweet teen autistic girl do what she does best-draw the lonely into lively conversation and boost them with her amazing gift of song at worship time.

I got to see my enthusiastic youngest boy pour over the dishes and delight the whole kitchen with his giggles as the water sprayer kept “accidentally” getting him.

I got to see my dear, gregarious husband ladle on laughs along with the baked beans and encourage everyone around him with hope as he shared the way God has built our family up from next to nothing.

And what did I do?

Well, I’ll tell you, being rather prone to awkwardness myself, I was a bit nervous on the outset about what role I could really play there without fumbling too badly.

I knew I might be okay in the kitchen, if I wasn’t having too clumsy a day.

I thought I could perhaps hand out food or provide background on the songs if I didn’t goof or go too off-key.

Or, just guide the kids in their various pursuits, as I typically do.

Parts of me truly longed to be more as my fearless daughter, she who lives to worship out loud.

I sometimes observe her at a distance and wonder how she could be mine!

Yet, I can also see little pieces of me-of the me I might’ve been if life hadn’t been so weighted with, well, hurtful things…

Or, I’ll watch my husband, he who charms lampposts, and grow wistful for just a wisp of that ability.

Spent too long in that place, I can start to wonder why someone like that chose someone like me.

Not healthy on any day! 😳

So, instead of pulling a lot of Gideon-aw, shucks-not-meisms, I find I must learn to look past me to the whole:

More than anything we did, we got to share with some all-too-often forgotten souls.

Young families in need, older gentlemen and ladies relatively alone in life, some who have been ravaged by disease and harsh circumstance and time.

People whom I might shyly bypass on any given day, not sure what to say, but people that when I pause long enough to really get beyond myself and look, I can see my own struggles reflected in their eyes.

For we really aren’t so different, any of us.

We all need each other and we all need the love of Jesus.

Every one of us look to be fed, not only physically, but spiritually.

Every one of us need to feel our worth. Our real worth. In Him.

Honestly, no one was counting how many of us there were or weren’t, or judging how well we handled dishing up barbecue pork, or whether we all sounded even remotely like Hillsong.

They just wanted to matter, same as anyone.

And, in serving up time, food, and, best of all, the love of Jesus, we had the opportunity to tell them they do, same as anyone.

I don’t know exactly what’s down the road. But, I hope we get to go back. Even shy, awkward me. 🙂

Looking at spring… when basketball and scholar’s bowl are all done and before the summer wave of busy hits.

I know God will use us, big or small, but I wouldn’t want the rest of our kiddos to miss out on this every time! 😉

May we all look for our chance to extend the love of Christ to the forgotten, whatever we think of what we can give. Blessings and prayers, dear friends! Thanks for reading!

When the Helper Feels Helpless

Been especially tired of late. Just some thoughts as I deal with the cantankerous side of living with physical limitations…🙂

Lord, want to be doing.

Want to be moving.

Want to be seeking.

Instead, here I sit stewing,

A vast little proving,

And deeper purpose?-

Long, long years ago it seems

Since I was peaking!

Oh, I know that’s not really so!

But, oh, Lord, I am tired!

Body and soul are fizzling.

The “shoulds” all pop like a

Stovetop sizzling!

But, nevertheless,

I confess, I am feeling…

Uninspired.

Lofty words are coming

Unwired.

Supposed to be a helpmate.

Yet, why am I made so helpless

To so many tasks?

Perhaps, mine is not meant to

Fret on how I feel I don’t equate.

Yet, in me still exists this

Yearning,

A burning to ask…

Some days, maybe, it’s just the

World’s arbitrary demands

That are too much weight

For me.

If go based upon such a heavy slate,

I will never be able to pony up

The fee…

Yet, I know Your hand,

Ever there it is to heal and to

Understand.

Though, in the physical realm,

The tiredness is sometimes,

Oftentimes, known to remain,

You, too, remain,

Ever there to guide and to

Sustain,

And ever worthy of

Highest praise-

That which You lend me strength

To give, so sweet and so free,

No matter what persists

Externally.

And You gently remind how

I will feint not!

As I step into Your existence,

To feel the reassuring touch long sought,

And You call out the praiser

Yet inside of me…

Lord, want to be doing,

Want to be moving,

Want to be seeking

Yet, you remind me Your purpose

Above all else is what counts

In the midst of humanity’s

Desperate eking…