Hey, folks. Activity is (somewhat) winding down in this house. Everything has been beautiful, bittersweet, and very…tiring. In the quietness that has followed, I had hoped to summon up a lot to say here.
I, after all, have not had any regularity here in ever so long and, every time I try, something comes along to fiddle with my intentions.
However, the Lord is carrying me to some new(ish) realizations. Namely, that there is no summoning. No inspiration on a dime. And that, when you are tired, you’re tired.
The problem isn’t in the tiredness so much as in the absolute panic to fight it.
So…here are a few thoughts that came in poetry to me about that. Don’t know, as per usual, where I will go from here with blogging or life ambitions, but, for perhaps the first time, I am actually, genuinely not worried. Because I know that I know He who goes with me.
Oh, I have known that truth, spoken it for what feels like ages. But, today, there is a feeling of a shift. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the graduation spirit. 😏 At any rate, here we go…
Graduations done; new lives are soon begun.
A proud and joyful time for a mama, to be sure,
But still my words are near stilled, or coming through less than pure.
Picking at phrases like a breakfast I know
I ought to be hungry for.
Yet appetite seems to have a rather fast closed door….
Tap my fork across the plate of life sort of aimlessly
Examine myself through a syrupy reflection, knowing it’s not blamelessly.
Starting to realize with the passing of the years
This is just who I am coming to be.
Through a fair share of tired smiles and countless tears
Change has wrought a change in me…
Now, no worries-the creator inside is not entirely dead nor dying
But recognizing the motivation will likely never be as it was,
Though most assuredly not for a lack of trying.
Random lightbulbs within still flick on at rare occasions
But, finding no use to overly weigh the mind with more complex connotations.
Is it lazy? I ponder with fork on a decided pause.
Am I neglectful of my post? I wonder as I grasp at these somewhat unanswerable straws.
Ah, some might say yes, where gift exists
The burden must persist,
Else one becomes the gold tossed unseen down the hole.
And yet I feel a something more signaling what’s best,
A prompting from the Lord to cease the fight to rest…
And just let His growth in me
Be what it will be
Deep down in this God-given soul…
Blessings and prayers. Thanks for reading. ❤