Well, hello there, friends! Ready for part two of this crazy tale?
If not, you can find part one here.
Ok. Ready now?
Let’s see…when we left off, I was fed up with being a lonely single mama.
First, I admit I did look around my church with a fresh eye, hoping someone I hadn’t noticed in my “waiting on a miracle” days might have possibilities.
Honestly, even though there were a couple of nice guys, there weren’t really any leaping at the opportunity to date a hurting mom of three, two on the autism spectrum.
Well, understandable. It isn’t for everybody. 😏
So, that idea dashed, I grabbed my phone one night (after about the umpteenth time bawling with deep-seated envy over old movies with “happily ever afters”. ).
I did the googly thingy and found one of the more famous dating sites, let my somewhat windy writing style have a field day, agonized through selfies and set up shop in the “looking for love” business.
A rather silent affair for a time, frankly. I reached out to the nice-sounding ones.
I found myself ignored.
I attempted aloofness.
Aloofness was what I got in return.
And then, I think I really let myself get angry with God.
Not a good place to be with your Creator!
Because I found the most anti-God, albeit charmingly dark-humored sort I could and dared him to go out with the nicey-nice Christian girl.
He took me up on it, unfortunately.
And what followed was a horrifying few months, swinging between outright rebellion and missionary dating.
Either way, I plunged my heart in and felt pieces of soul begin to give way before he decided he was through with me.
And after he was done, I found what felt like the whole World Series of Mr. Wrongs.
To each I kept flinging out piece after piece of myself, hoping for some shred of love for my trouble.
Some were kinder than others, admittedly, but none possessed for me the love I craved.
I was too ashamed to introduce a single one to family.
To this day, I am grateful I never did.
I still carried the knowledge of God in those days, trying to straddle that proverbial fence but, of course, finding it painful.
And I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I could feel the enormous weight of the grief He felt for the state of my life.
As time and the hole in my heart wore on, I stopped recognizing myself.
Though the specter of suicidal thoughts did seem dismayingly familiar.
It was about this time I decided I had had my last with this website.
The guy I was seeing at this time didn’t even make a pretense of being interested in anything more than convenience.
I tried to put on a jaded air in return, but it was like an ugly Halloween mask that didn’t quite fit.
Inside, I was crying out in my heart to God for an absolution to all this madness.
I didn’t want this anymore. Never really did.
So…quickly as I signed up, I made up my mind I was going to pull the plug on this demoralizing mess.
It was the only way.
Yet…an irresistable tug caused me to take one last scroll through these ill-fated, soul-crushing profiles.
And…all at once, there I saw him. My Joe. ❤ ( Told you he was coming! 😊) Never saw him on the site before, though he’d been listed a good two years.
He had a sweet, goofy smile and twinkly blue eyes. He looked approachable and unaffected by any attempt to be something he wasn’t.
His profile spoke a lot of the simple things in life, something my complicated world begged for.
So refreshing was his write-up, in fact, that I forgot about pulling the plug.
Instead, there I was writing to him. I told myself I just had to tell him I appreciated his words.
I really didn’t expect a reply, reminding myself how the nice ones never did that.
They were too busy with the girls nicer than me.
And, for days, I heard nothing.
I thought I was right. The disappointment stung despite the vindication.
I had had hopes in spite of myself. Sigh.
And then, one evening after I had shoved the whole idea from my head, there went the little “bing” on my phone!
I had mail, it read. From some guy named Joe. 😮😊
I had not been so eager to open and read something in a long while.
And what I read? Well, it truly floored me.
His two chief priorities in life: Christ and family. He hoped I felt the same.
He was a regional truck driver, hence he had not had opportunity to reply till now (Aha! Little Cynic, my brain chided). Feel free to write back, he added.
In fact, he hoped I would.
And, naturally, I did, with fingers flying. 😊
These exchanges kept up for quite a few weeks. Phone numbers were added to the mix.
We discovered we both had a thing for nostalgia and that we could neither one dance.
We shared the hurt of a failed marriage and frustration with the whole dating scene.
Most importantly, we shared Christ and the redemption to be found only in Him.
In fact, I attribute this momentous meeting to reawakening my heart to this truth.
But, still, in all the goodness was yet a rather pertinent question-
What about my kids? Hmmm…
And that, dear friends, shall be covered in part three…😉
Thanks for reading. Hope you are enjoying. Blessings and prayers!