Fight for Praise

Hey,, there. Just some thoughts born this week. Sunday, I was feeling rather adrift in social anxiety visiting a church group not my own. I will be frank-I really didn’t feel very much inclined to be there. 😏

Actually, I desperately longed for escape, but, being as I was there for my husband’s sake, I took a deep breath and prayed hard I could stay the course.

And then, there came praise and worship…. No magical cure by any means, but as I quietly pushed on word by word, I was reminded of and bolstered by His ever-steady presence.

Today as the struggle and the ponder continues, I am having to remind myself He is there…

God, sometimes, the connection

Between You and me comes

Flowing like clean and cloudless

Sunshine-

Sweet and easy and free.

And sometimes, there rolls a storm

Across the skies,

Causing in me a need

To fight for praise,

Through pensive night and drudge of

Day,

A tooth and nail session,

In order to gain possession of all

That You have granted is mine

And all that You desire for me to be.

Ah, I know it’s not You, Lord

That shifts away the sunlight in these

Times.

Rather, these moments are just

Evidence

Of the human frailty through which I

Currently ford…

Some days are darker,

Harder to find the spark for.

Then, it becomes a seeking,

A beseeching thing,

Knowing when to press ferociously

Into the fray

Or when to simply lay aside my

Sword

And rest my heart in whispered

Remembrance of

What it is to humbly pray…

Oh, how I love when the praise just

Comes

Bubbling up,

And I joyfully raise my already

Overflowing cup…

So uncomplicated by care!

Yet, I find I treasure the praise that

Much more

When it is the fiercely fought for,

And I find again Your hand to help me

Bear….

Blessings and prayers, dear friends. Thanks for the read. ❤

Newsboys – Joy

Hi, friends! I have been sitting here waiting on deeper inspiration again.

So…in the meantime, an update, a song, and perhaps a bit of a ramble. 🙂

Things are progressing pretty nicely on most all fronts in our world.

School has thus far remained a safe and happy go-to for my younger ones as the pursuit of music, performance, and friends tops their list. And for one, a big shocker is added-cross country! (Seriously, folks…athleticism is not in the genes. At all. So, the fact my 16 year old boy has determination to push through majorly sore ankles to try this is awesome.😊 )

And my college boy? Well, he is stepping forward in self-management and relationships, each step precious proof autism has become his fuel (As well as increasing evidence I’m getting older! Acck! 😳🙂).

Let’s see…what else?

Business is busy. Right now, my husband is on the remodel that never ends, but hey, that is job security right there! 😏

Oh, and Community Youth Group has begun again as of last Wednesday! I was thrilled to make cookies and spend some time in worship and study with our dear kiddos! ❤😊

And, beyond the usual allergy invasion and the nose-blowing fest that naturally follows, I am actually finding some fairly decent days physically speaking- between the creaky joints, of course. 🙂

Life is still with its various shades of differences and challenges, no doubt, but there is a joy that rises…and not just because things are well at present.

Don’t get me wrong-it’s great things are well at present!

I’m so grateful.

But, joy is not found in whether all’s well or not-so-well.

No…rather, it is found in waking up and abiding with Jesus.

Every day I get to roll out of bed and know my sweet Lord is right beside me, ready to help me face whatever comes.

And that bubbles up in me a song that has been one of my go-to’s-from another band that has long been a go-to in of themselves…

Newsboys-in particular, their earlier years.

Hmmm…maybe it’s the 90’s-early 2000’s kid in me. 😉

Don’t get me wrong. I still love what the newer incarnation of the group does now, but, oh, my…the exultant bounce to this one!

The effervescent, intricate lyrics!

It really takes me back.

I can’t help but rejoice with this one….

Have a listen and see if you don’t rejoice with me. Blessings and prayers, dear friends! ❤

So What? Or, Yes, I’m in Pain

Ok. So I didn’t plan to post again this soon. But, this popped into my brain and God won’t let me let it go. I don’t know who this is for, but I do know my friends with chronic illness will potentially relate.

I don’t want to talk about my pain, God.

It’s weak.

I will sound like a whiny mess.

I don’t want to sound like that, God.

Ok. That is partially my charismatic upbringing talking.

The whole “don’t speak that pain over yourself”. Don’t admit struggle.

“Name and claim” your healing. Demonstrate enough faith and it will be! 🙄

Sigh. I still have that residue in me when it comes to sharing how I am really feeling…

But, still my mind goes on-

Others have it worse, anyway.

I’m not in a wheelchair yet.

I can feed myself.

Take a bath.

Walk for some distance.

Make cookies.

Draw.

Write.

Pray.

Sing and dance for You, albeit awkwardly.

So what if I have to sit down a lot.

And so soon after I got up to do something! 🙄

So I have to be mindful of not looking too high up, position my head on a pillow just so that, when I go to bed, I avoid vertigo.

No spontaneous naps on the couch for me, though my body does try it when I am exhausted, anyway! 🙄

So I wake up expecting achy joints of varying degrees, allergies year-round, and depleted energy before I even roll out of bed.

So I don’t get to teach anymore and have had to turn down job offers for fear I can’t guarantee I can fulfill them on any given day.

So I can’t really be a help to my husband’s handyman work or be a D.I.Y. on my own house like all those cute couples on HGTV.

So my hands and shoulders are to the point I cannot safely support a baby in the church nursery.

So I have to be more and more cautious what I feed these delicate innards. No….today is not a cheese day. Cheese is dairy. And dairy doesn’t like me right now.

Just scrape that off my pizza, please. 🙄

So the highest I can climb is my tiny step stool and, even then, I must carefully position these long, skinny, teetery feet.

So I even fall down occasionally from this wacky lack of balance I have.

So those achy joints I spoke of might even sometimes slip out of sockets and have to be cautiously put back in.

Yep. Really. So what?

So I have EDS. That’s Ehlers-Danlos to the uninformed.

I could expound but, the effects are so wide-spread and so varied, you’d do better to just look it up (Note-I am just in the annoying, somewhat life-altering but not-quite-so-bad category comparitively speaking.).

Essentially, though, those are not things I want to talk about, God! Please don’t make me!

Oh, I know I just did spend a whole post on it…😏

But, what I mean is, where this can lead to major depression at times, I must refuse to dwell.

I cannot dwell-

Not when I have You, my strength, my rock.

You who leads me to rocks that are higher than I….and makes sure I don’t fall off them! 😉

You who brings me joy and love and peace every day. Even incredibly achy joint days.

Not to mention the worthy promise this body, this thing which houses me and rebels against my desires all at once, is not for always.

I sometimes feel rather trapped now, but there will come that day of the new.

This earth will indeed be set right.

And this dilapidated house for my soul will, too.

One day, I will hurt no more.

Nor will any of you, my friends…that is, if you trust Jesus.

Blessings and prayers to you. Thanks for reading my “whiny mess.” I hope you got something out of it. 🙂

When the Helper Feels Helpless

Been especially tired of late. Just some thoughts as I deal with the cantankerous side of living with physical limitations…🙂

Lord, want to be doing.

Want to be moving.

Want to be seeking.

Instead, here I sit stewing,

A vast little proving,

And deeper purpose?-

Long, long years ago it seems

Since I was peaking!

Oh, I know that’s not really so!

But, oh, Lord, I am tired!

Body and soul are fizzling.

The “shoulds” all pop like a

Stovetop sizzling!

But, nevertheless,

I confess, I am feeling…

Uninspired.

Lofty words are coming

Unwired.

Supposed to be a helpmate.

Yet, why am I made so helpless

To so many tasks?

Perhaps, mine is not meant to

Fret on how I feel I don’t equate.

Yet, in me still exists this

Yearning,

A burning to ask…

Some days, maybe, it’s just the

World’s arbitrary demands

That are too much weight

For me.

If go based upon such a heavy slate,

I will never be able to pony up

The fee…

Yet, I know Your hand,

Ever there it is to heal and to

Understand.

Though, in the physical realm,

The tiredness is sometimes,

Oftentimes, known to remain,

You, too, remain,

Ever there to guide and to

Sustain,

And ever worthy of

Highest praise-

That which You lend me strength

To give, so sweet and so free,

No matter what persists

Externally.

And You gently remind how

I will feint not!

As I step into Your existence,

To feel the reassuring touch long sought,

And You call out the praiser

Yet inside of me…

Lord, want to be doing,

Want to be moving,

Want to be seeking

Yet, you remind me Your purpose

Above all else is what counts

In the midst of humanity’s

Desperate eking…

Words Rendered Useless

Ok. Comments on. Still can’t understand the issue completely. Thanks for bearing with me! Blessings to you! ☺

Words.

Always seeking a perfect crafting.

Seems forever I am drafting…

How I love to weave you

In patterns enormously elaborate

Or whittle you carefully down to

Allow sparing truths to fit.

But, there are times when you

All but vanish,

Behaving almost as banished,

Leaving me with a nameless

Something

Stinging my tongue,

Though not painfully:

And that single, well-known melody alights itself

Softly, reverently…

Holy, holy, holy

Is the Lord God Almighty…

My heart surrenders to the phrase,

Rendered otherwise wordless

By the echo of endless praise

To come,

Of knowing and lifting Him high.

Oh, to embrace the ultimate sum

Of all our existence!

To freely fling my hands to the sky,

Ending all resistance!

To join in sinking to my knees

Before the throne,

To know this King

Loves me as His own!

To sink back in the peace,

To rejoice in the ceasing of

All my consternation,

And at last lay aside the

Mad scramble for

A poet’s perfection.

Words Rendered Useless

Words.

Always seeking a perfect crafting.

Seems forever I am drafting…

How I love to weave you

In patterns enormously elaborate

Or whittle you carefully down to

Allow sparing truths to fit.

But, there are times when you

All but vanish,

Behaving almost as banished,

Leaving me with a nameless

Something

Stinging my tongue,

Though not painfully:

And that single, well-known melody alights itself

Softly, reverently…

Holy, holy, holy

Is the Lord God Almighty…

My heart surrenders to the phrase,

Rendered otherwise wordless

By the echo of endless praise

To come,

Of knowing and lifting Him high.

Oh, to embrace the ultimate sum

Of all our existence!

To freely fling my hands to the sky,

Ending all resistance!

To join in sinking to my knees

Before the throne,

To know this King

Loves me as His own!

To sink back in the peace,

To rejoice in the ceasing of

All my consternation,

And at last lay aside the

Mad scramble for

A poet’s perfection…

My apologies for the comments not being on. I can’t seem to remedy the situation myself this time. At least, not at present. 🙄 I think this is becoming a problem for tech support! Blessings and prayers and thanks for reading at any rate! 🙂