Wrestling

Still abiding in His wings, though I do rather chafe as this current circumstance in my writing goes on. I find myself wrestling for every word and fighting the shadow that saves me. Not to mention weary of posting here on depression. 😏 Some for myself, but also, yes, because the old fear of wearying someone else too much for them to stick around lurks within me yet. But, then, there are the other depressed souls that might just need to recognize themselves here. At any rate, He called me to honesty, so better that I remain in it…

Here I run to His river again,

In my hand my trusty pen.

And I turn my gaze to watery

Inspiration,

Seeking in my reflection therein

Some sort of summation,

Something that feels of worth,

Stirs of my spiritual rebirth.

Yet…full expression remains a

Struggle, my friends.

I keep scribbling thoughts and

Striving as I know I ought

Only to sweep them to the trash bin.

For I don’t want to just make this

Venture all

A mere means to a hollow end…

So…I keep trying to stretch these

Kinked muscles

Of my literary prowess

But in the midst of the world’s mad

Hustle,

I find thoughts dissipate and myself

Bowing to the infinite less.

I know that I know that I know

God is yet on His throne.

And I come there and cry out for Him

To show

What He has for me alone…

“God,” I whine, “I thought I was

Inching back.

I thought ‘on we go’,

And the words would flow

And I would be done with

This present lack!”

Yet…truth, friends?

These rubbery limbs of mine

Are only fumbling to now and again

Have the former knack.

So…do I just fling the pen aside?

I have thought of it, I confide.

For the last thing I want to become

Is just a sorry case of a writer’s sore

Pride.

Yet…I know the Lord’s tender,

Whispered voice

Cautions me to

Just. Lie. Still.

And further reminds me there is yet

Another, better choice,

A more lasting way to fulfill….

To let go and let Him take the words’

Often unwieldy reins.

For, honestly, it is nothing less than

Absurd

To wrestle the heavenly shadow

Meant only to heal and to sustain…

Blessings and prayers, dear friends! Struggling or not so much, may you find comfort in His shadow. ❀

The Chase

Hey, there, friends! I thought it was time I chimed in for a moment to reassure you I am in the land of the living.

Doing the wife and mom thing 24/7, doing the cooking for an amazing passel of youth on Wednesdays, and doing an awful lot of introspection in- between.

On things like purpose, God’s plans, and the circuitous way life can often go when desperately chasing those things.

Or, when you just think you are. 😏

It gives me a laugh, albeit a slightly rueful one, to realize how often He has to show me He is not done with breathing the breathe of life on me, nor equipping and encouraging me.

And, yet, I often seem to take a little breath of my own, ruminate on the vision He is placing in front of me, and shake my foolish head. And then, I dare to petulantly remind Him of my tattered rags, my awkward ways, and do what I do best….

Run! (Figuratively speaking, of courseπŸ˜‰)

How easily I forget what He has done before and what He can do again!

The lists of “look what He’s done for me’s” stretch behind me like parchments curling for miles!

Redemption of family.

Healing of hearts.

Breakthroughs and bounties beyond imagination.

Sure, there were looming anxieties pursuing me then and new ones cropping up now…

BUT-there is STILL Jesus.

He never abdicates the throne nor neglects His precious own!

He is the joy-giver whatever the world comes at you with!

And I know this. As in, have ample experience with this!

Yet, how quickly do I dismiss leaning on this joy that abides despite circumstance!

How often do I find myself bogged in a fretful state instead of seeking solace in His arms!

Far too often, friends!

That said, I do find myself in recent days swapping thoughts with the Lord.

Feeling His delight and finding dappled moments of my own.

And, perhaps, finally beginning to reawaken to my sense of purpose in Him.

Now, I’d still characterize myself a “functioning” depressive. It’s hard to face many days, yet facing them I am.

But not alone, mind you! The sweet Lord is there, handing me the key.

For, in Him, I am realizing that, yes, there is a somber shadow cast on my soul that is just there. And just going to be.

But, that is not necessarily bad.

For, strangely, it is one that is not without a purpose of its own.

For, in many ways, the shadow is really just a piece of how it feels to rest in His wings.

In them, He reminds me we need the deep thinkers in this world, the grievers of our times, the ones that recognize where we’re at and why.

And He counts me among them.

Not to be superior nor to scold without tempering in love.

Rather, to alert us these are grave days we are in. We are nearer and nearer to His return by the day.

Salvation is at hand. And it is imperative we both take it to heart and share the truth with others while we yet may.

Now, risk of walking in this shadow comes in allowing satan to twist the reasons for the weeping, to become distracted from the cause God has in mind, and to be lured away from the protective cover of His wings to the true darkness beyond.

For, then, we are prone to surrender to the assaults the world flings at our souls.

Not to mention there is the temptation to chase our own tail in the process!

But-the rewards in the shadow? Ah, the rewards!

Life and life eternal in the presence of our most Holy Lord!

For He alone is infinitely worth every moment of the chase; all the rest the heart clamors for is merely temporal!

And…

Speaking of chasing…

The following song has been known to me a long while, but only recently popped back on my radar.

I first heard it at a concert Andrew Peterson was opening for. The simple honesty of it resonated in my aching heart then and it still does now. Perhaps, even more so.

Have a listen and be blessed, dear friends! Thank you for the prayers! I can definitely feel them! Know that you always have mine, too. ❀

Wherever the Road

Hey, dear friends. Wanted to be back to some in-depth writing. Didn’t want this to be a prolonged break…but, looks like it will be. I just can’t seem to summon up anything but the dreariness I have been facing…and this space isn’t intended to be about that. It’s in the byline-It’s not about me. It’s about Him.

So…all this to say this honest little bit of poetry is my final piece to you- for a while. I hope to come back down the road a ways.

Thank you for your love, prayers, and concern. Know I hold the same for you in my heart.

I can’t do this anymore…

At least, not for quite a while.

Not packing up exactly,

Not erasing these efforts as in days past

Nor leaving an empty store.

To that determination I’m holding fast.

Just…can’t keep coming here right now

With my dialed-in smile.

Feels like any could spot it as a fake

For half a mile.

Nor can I keep comfortably coming,

Wagging this laundry bag of sorrow

And try to claim it’ll be scrubbed

Bright for the morrow.

Right now…it’s just not.

And I am caught

Without a pretty phrase left to my coffers.

No ready cheer, no heady offers.

So…it’s silence for the time being.

Not sure how long

Nor what this round of solitude will bring.

All I do know is that

I know Jesus is wherever the road takes me.

All I can rest in is that He never forsakes me…

And so He never forsakes any of us.

Until such a time as I feel He’s calling me back to this space…

Thanks for reading. Blessings and prayers to you, dear friends. ❀

Silence

Hey, there, friends. Not a lot to speak but the pondering of why I have not a lot to speak. 😏

Should have something to say, God.

Why don’t I have anything to say?

Loud, clamoring chaos has ripped

Holes in the very

Fabric of our country.

And here I sit in relative silence.

Where are my carefully crafted yet

Sharp assessments of our crumbling

Society?

Where is wise counsel to encourage

And exhort?

The pressing plea to keep You at our

Center?

I survey the oh-so-human travesty of

The last little while

And I find my response coming up

So…quiet.

My words quite nearly, almost

Astonishingly…absent.

Why, Lord? Surely I should have a

Wealth of thoughts to pen today!

Why the silence in my soul?

Ah…Silence.

And here is the answer:

Well, daughter, the thoughts are there,

Gathering in your heart,

Filling in the well,

Preparing to flow

When the time is right

And the words are clear.

For now, no flurry is needed.

No profoundness required.

For silence is sometimes the place you must go

When the noise of the world is ringing in your head

And you recognize

You must be earnestly seeking to hear from Me ….

May we all find those moments of silence in these chaotic times and earnestly listen for His voice! Blessings and Prayers, my friends!

“Blessed Be Your Name (worship video w/ lyrics)” on YouTube

And he said, β€œNaked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”-Job 1:21

Hello, friends! Another day, another song. πŸ™‚

This is one that has always spoken to me.

The thoughts contained within it, inspired by the verse above, have long resonated deep in my heart.

I can recall singing it in both times of greatest joy and heaviest sorrow. And He has always met me in the midst and provided His incomparable comfort.

I don’t know why it took me so long, but it occurred to me yesterday as the youth group unexpectedly chose to sing this steady go-to of mine that it speaks incredibly well to this time of significant unrest in our nation.

For, whatever questions may rise, whatever uncertainty we are facing, whatever we see come and go, He always, always knows best.

And His name-that precious name of the Lord-always remains blessed, come what may.

Resting our trust in this fact can be a challenge as we look at the strife in our world-believe me, how my anxious heart struggles!

Yet, I know this ability to trust is a very necessary component to holding on to our peace and joy. So, daily I am praying He would increase my trust in Him and His sovereignity.

So…may we listen to the following, choose to add our voices to the chorus of praise, and be reminded of this powerful truth.

DO NOT FEAR!

Still somewhat on sabbatical, so to speak, but I can’t neglect an opportunity to add a word in these stressful, fearful days.

One of my favorite Christian groups, Apologetix, sends out awesome, encouraging newsletters.

Their lead singer, J. Jackson, had a few great scriptures I thought suited the situation more than any words I could come up with.

God always says it best, after all! πŸ˜‰

So, without further ado…

Psalm 37:8b
Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

John 14:27
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So, essentially, don’t panic, my friends! God’s got this! Let your hearts rest in these truths.

Blessings and prayers! β€οΈπŸ™‚

Pursuing Peace

You know how it is when you have a well-thought out post all written and ready to hit publish, only to have WordPress swallow it? Or maybe that’s just me. 😁 Anyway, I tried to recall all those fastflying words, but something always shifts. Sigh. But, importantly, the message is still the same….

Turn from evil and do good.
Seek peace and pursue it.

Psalm 34:14

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Phil. 4:7

Peace. Such a nice sounding word. It brings such a hush to my heart in the midst of a day going like gangbusters.

It has had many a connotation over time.

Some well-meaning but misguided. Some more of a plea.

A few, at least, with some Biblical grounding.

The extended olive branch is, traditionally, the symbol of peace.

A very interesting choice, if you know your Biblical history, specifically the story of the flood. πŸ˜‰

The mantra of many a tired, gritted teeth mama:

“Can I please get a little peace and quiet?!”

Relatable. Not exactly a grace-filled moment. But, relatable. 😏

In the 60’s, the catchphrase became: “All I’m really saying is give peace a chance.”

Understandable desire.

And, in that vein, to culminate the decade, came the words emblazoned on a poster alongside a dove, a neck of a guitar, and a strumming hand:

“Three Days of Peace, Love, and Music”

Not a terrible hope on the surface, but, unfortunately, also a misplaced one muddied deep in sin and debauchery.

But, to switch gears, here are two favorite and more uplifting samples:

“When peace like a river attendth my way…”

And, similarly:

“I’ve got peace like a river, I’ve got peace like a river, I’ve got peace like a river in my soul…”

Lovely declarations indeed!

Any way you slice it, all these various thoughts are full of sentiment for the word “peace”, if not always an understanding of the full import.

We grab at the idea at moments, as in those last two songs referenced.

Oh, we like to think that shows we get it but how often do we really? πŸ€”

When we are divisive with our neighbors, is that peace?

When we yell at traffic, is it evidence of that river flowing inside?

When we grumble at our spouse, our kids, the news, the slow line at the store, is that us getting it?

Oh, we may pridefully claim to be above the real wickedness in this world today, but, honestly, one cursory glance around and it’s obvious none of us really grasp the concept.

And that is chiefly because we fail to remember that first and infinitely vital key from the first verse there:

“Turn from evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it.”

We neglect to make that turn before seeking peace.

Oh, we like to believe the myth mankind has some inherent goodness.

But, the facts are this:

They have all turned aside; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good, not even one.

Psalm 14:3

Nope. Not even a solitary do-gooder.

A little disheartening on the face of it, eh?

But-He does not leave us there!

For, He who is peace embodied came down to shed His blood for us.

He became the olive branch extended to a harassed and harried group of no goodnicks like us.

We need only seek and recognize this truth, snatch it up tight, and run determinedly with it.

Pursue it, if you will…

Allow it to fill us up from within, bubble over, and, thereby, spill out beautifully to those around us.

Like a splashing, happy river. 😊

Only then can we even possess a paltry fraction of understanding His peace!

The rest must come on the other side. Hopefully, Lord willing, soon!

Dear God, may we turn from evil, seek peace, and pursue it with everything in us.

Blessings and prayers, friends! Thanks for reading!